"It all has a root. And you've got to find that root to pluck it." For Colored Girls
I don't want to be sad anymore. I am so worried that my life will continue to repeat itself with the same lessons in a harsher fashion. I seem to be learning about what I don't want to happen, but not how to make it stop. I now understand what the root of my problems are, and yet I continue to subject myself to misery- all this in the name of a few moments of pleasure? And pleasure for whom? Me, you suppose? Certainly not. Because I lay there with tears dripping from my eyes, mind racing about the displeasure of those above us, internally silent because my fear of disappointment, rejection, sabotage and revenge precludes me from taking pleasure in those moments. I lay there and pretend to reach a point that no human has ever been able to bring me to in that way. After, I can think only of the moment it this will end and the real will begin. Right now, I'm taking your advice: Fake it till you make it.
I am the root. I allow the pain. How do I pluck myself out of this?
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